I am not sure if it is something about my personality, but I often find myself very disrupted by changes in schedule. I have recently had a major change in schedule and I am not quite sure what I think about it. Somethings things feel a little too free. When we can do anything we often don’t no where to start and I feel a bit that way today. Classic despair of possibility. I even has on of Kierkegaard’s books sitting on my desk right now. Maybe I will read it or something.
A further difficulty of days like today is that today is a day off. I have already created a work schedule for myself. If it were a workday then I would not have to worry about it as much. However, there is usually an intuitive element to what I do on days off for me, and I think that intuition is a bit stunted by changes in schedule. Intuition is likely based at least in part on past experiences and that goes out the window when we face change. So if you are someone who uses intuition a lot either in your rest time or your work time then you are likely to have some issues when your schedule changes.
I have to admit that even when it comes to planned daily work I tend to be a very intuitive person. I tend to want to do what feels right. The reason for this is that often my performance at least seems to be much better when I am flowing in the stream of intuition. It can be hard to push through in a productive way without it.
However, I have noticed that this might in part be objectively untrue. It feels true but I have at least on some occasions noticed that my work is still at least decent when I am just slogging through it. So I am not sure ultimately about this yet.
Another possibility is that confidence is part of the experience of intuition and the desire to do well and the uncertainty that comes with most work combine with a new schedule to create enough instability to make it impossible to continue forward in certain work. This can be particularly bad when the pressure is on.
What seems to mitigate this in these situations is the creation of some sort of mental model of the new schedule. Perhaps drawing some on the ideas of Metaphors We Live By (Lakoff & Johnson 1981) we establish an set metaphors that have come to structure the aspects of our different kinds of days. These metaphors then can be extended and it is their extension that creates intuitions about behaviors and plans.
Then perhaps the solution is to consider what metaphors have been lost in the change of schedule and to think some about what has replaced them. As I think of this I have a feeling that I often have about the ideas in Metaphors We Live By and that is that while I am sure that there are previous structuring experiences I do wonder how easily they can be turned into metaphors. But let’s give it a go.
So my typical day off starts out with two warring desires. The first is an hedonic desire to do whatever, it is that I want to do, and the second is a desire to go something good and admirable. These often present themselves as a desire for the same thing because I find working on some sort of impressive project very enjoyable at first. The war starts later when things get difficult. Then afterwards I lament the amount of time that has been used up in the day, and how little has been accomplished and how I feel betrayed by my projects and how little they have satisfied my desire to do something that I am proud of.
Then there is a low period.
Then towards dinner I often pull out of this and then mostly enjoy the evening with my wife.
Okay so are there any metaphors in here?
I suppose I have a misleading metaphor of day-off as empty platform. It is totally free from constraints. And this I guess then meshes with my typical metaphor for why I can’t accomplish what I want. I am constrained by time and exhaustion. So the day off is a day of freedom from constraint and freedom to do.
However, there are still some constraints. The metaphor of day off as free playing field hide time constraints and also constraints of ability. These two things are often what is behind frustrations on other days as well.
And I experience frustration regularly because there are some lies backed into my metaphors and the way they are form and are shaped by my desires.
So how does this fit in with the absence of the old schedule. I suppose part of it is that sense my schedule has changed I don’t feel the same sorts of desire for the removal of constraints. I am not worn out and needing rest. At least, not in the normal way. Also, I am a bit discontent with the way I have been doing days off lately: a tendency towards escapism that I don’t like.
Anyway I can see that there is a lack of intuition because part of the content of typical metaphor of release of constraint is no longer entirely accurate to my felt experience. So, what then to do? How can I look at today not as a removal of constraint, but something else. What else is there? Opportunity for trying new and old things? This still has the notion of freedom that is a big part of day’s off, but at the same time it does not rely in constraints.
I am not sure if thinking this way will help anything, but I do find it interesting.